


The Right Tool for the Job

by kettish



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Female Bilbo Baggins/Female Thorin Oakenshield, Strap-Ons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 01:42:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6403540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kettish/pseuds/kettish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a new idea, that kind of toy, and as soon as she could bring herself to stop blushing she was going to go and buy one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Right Tool for the Job

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to ihatethisfreakingcat and StrivingArtist for the fantasic beta job!
> 
> It should be noted here that both Thorin and Bilbo are bisexual, in a monogamous relationship, and have dated both males and females previously.

"Sometimes you just want to get plowed," she sighed. Thorin cocked an eyebrow at her inquisitively.

"You know," Bilbo stuttered, waving a hand airily, "be the field. Er, I guess that isn't an expression you'd be familiar with...

"Ah, sheathe a sword? Ugh, no, now I'm imagining your nephews playing with their swords whenever I'm around to be little shits. Be the, um, rock for a miner? Be the hole for a peg? Uh, the, gracious I'm running out of ideas here." Thorin's eyebrows had climbed steadily throughout her rambling until they now perched high in her hairline.

"Sometimes you just want to - you know! - goodness, you're a smith, what's a good smithing analogy...be the uh, anvil for the hammer?" Thorin's eyes finally lit up in understanding and Bilbo breathed a heavy sigh of relief. "Oh thank goodness, I didn't know where else to go with that." Thorin laughed, throaty, amused, and content, and Bilbo grinned.

 

“Not that I'm unsatisfied,” she clarified after some time spent in comfortable silence. “But you know what I mean, don’t you? Like sometimes if you go without biscuits for a while, it gets to where you just really, really want biscuits.” Thorin hummed agreeably.

“I'll pick up the necessary items next weekend at market,” Thorin said, and Bilbo's thoughts derailed as spectacularly as that minecart full of iron ore had last week.

“You what?” she asked stupidly. Thorin tipped her head back against the bed to look at her curiously.

“The items we require for such an act. I did not think you had them already, since you did not just get them out…?” 

“What - what items? What do you mean, items?” Bilbo sputtered, face cherry red. Thorin frowned then, concerned, brow darkening into a scowl. 

“A harness and false cock? Unless you meant asking someone else to our bed, which, Bilbo, I am not sure I can agree with just yet-”

“No, no, no!” Bilbo cried. “That’s not what I meant at all! I just - what is this harness business? I don't understand.”

Thorin stared at Bilbo.

Bilbo stared back.

“There is a device,” Thorin said finally, ears and neck beginning to flush prettily, “which, when worn, allows one to use a false cock for penetration. Do Hobbits not have something like this?” 

“Of course we don't!” Bilbo snapped, equally red. “If we did, don't you think I'd have asked for one by now?”

“I thought you simply preferred, ah...other activities,” Thorin protested, shrinking down a bit on the bed. “How should I have known you weren't familiar with it?”

“All right, this is going nowhere,” Bilbo declared. “I didn't know, and you didn't know that I didn't know. There. Now. Have you...used one of them before?” Thorin flushed even harder, starting to go pink over her chest beneath the light smattering of hair.

“Once,” she mumbled uncharacteristically. “With, uh...a friend.” Bilbo's blush faded as curiosity took hold and she leaned in closer. Thorin avoided eye contact. “He, uh, he asked me to. For him.”

“HIM,” Bilbo said, not quite disbelieving but certainly unsure. Dwarves were so strange! 

“Yes. Him. He enjoyed it greatly,” Thorin defended, back on more even footing at her tone. She was used to having to explain sex or gender concepts to Bilbo, who obviously grew up in a strange and backward culture. “It can be very enjoyable for some males. And females. This is not an unusual thing.” 

Bilbo patted her shoulder comfortingly. “I know, I know. I'm not judging. I'd just never considered.” Thorin sniffed. 

“Regardless. He enjoyed it. I imagine it would be just as nice for us.”

“Does it look-real? Or…”

“It depends on what kind you purchase or commission. Some place orders for replicas of their lovers’ phalluses, others prefer more brightly colored or jeweled versions.” She grinned. “A few merchants have begun a series based on members of the Company, even. I understand they're very popular.” Bilbo gaped. 

“No. No! You're having me on,” she protested, swatting her lover’s muscular shoulder. Thorin rolled away, cackling, and went to pull on a robe and get cleaned up, laughing the entire time at Bilbo's scandalized face.

 

It was a week later that Bilbo found herself wandering the marketplace. Ostensibly she was just looking for a less common spice that Thorin greatly appreciated in her biscuits, but with each shop she visited she found herself drifting closer to the streets whose shops sold all manner of toys for rolls in the hay. She'd never been this way before, rather embarrassed by having anyone else know what she did in bed, and it was fascinating. Bilbo felt herself getting warmer the further she went, looking for a store that might sell the particular toys Thorin had mentioned, but she was propelled forward by the promise of maybe getting properly well fucked by Thorin.

Finally a storefront came into view that had a rather suggestive depiction of one dwarf bending another over, which wasn't unusual for the area, but Bilbo noticed the straps depicted around ones waist and thigh and rightly guessed it might have what she was looking for. She tried to enter quietly, willing the door to swing open without a sound, so naturally the shop owner had a few tin bells along the top that jangled loudly. 

“Welcome, come in and browse!” a voice called from behind a few shelves of what appeared to be bottles of lotion. “Come find me if you need help!” 

Thank the stars they're busy, Bilbo thought with relief, and beelined over to a set of open display cases that looked promising.

Unfortunately, while the cases were full of false cocks like the ones Thorin had described, none were attached to harnesses. Bilbo still took quite a shine to one in particular that was molded out of something incredibly lifelike, a good stout fellow with a few veins running the length of it...Bilbo guessed it was some sort of fabric that had maybe been shrunk onto a form, maybe like the leather ones you sometimes saw in the tiny shop in Bree. But this didn't feel like leather. 

Bilbo was so engrossed in trying to figure it out that she didn't hear the shopkeeper’s approach, and she jumped near six inches into the air when his voice boomed out suddenly behind her.

“Good afternoon! Welcome! I see you're looking at our fine phalluses; can I show you some of our popular Legends line?”

“Your what?” Bilbo asked with a sinking feeling.

“Our Legends line! Here, let me fetch one of our Bomburs, he's our bestselling model -” 

“NO!” Bilbo yelped. “No. No thank you.” Utterly mortified, her eyes wandered back to the fake penis she'd been looking at before.

“You're looking at a fine specimen there!” he complimented boisterously. “Made of a rare material from the far southern lands, perfect for pleasing yourself or others! Go ahead and touch, lass, it won't bite!”

Bilbo about fainted on the spot. But she'd gained some fortitude since leaving the Shire, and so she dared to reach out a nervous hand and pat it a little. 

Once she’d laid a finger on it, though, she couldn't help but touch it a little more. It had a little drag to it, but it had more give than any other toys she'd owned, and she circled a hand around it curiously, picking it up to test its heft. 

It was the most realistic false cock Bilbo had ever seen, and the thing that put it over the top was that Bilbo finally noticed that it matched Thorin's skin.

“I'd like this please,” she blurted, trying to be firm, and then decided that she may as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb. “And, uh, I don't know what to call them, but, uh, there's this thing with a harness my lover mentioned…”

“Yes!” the dwarf exclaimed with a wide, approving smile, “Come, I will take your measurements. It will be ready in a half hour. It’s simple once I have your numbers.”

Bilbo submitted to the measuring tape with good grace, and a half hour later was walking down the street with a plain fabric bundle under her arm and a permanent blush on her cheeks.

 

It was two full months later that Bilbo worked up the nerve to approach Thorin with the new toy. She'd spent that long agonizing over it, daydreaming about her lover pushing into her and filling her, and, all right, yes, rubbing off to the thought. Finally one evening she finished,realized she had been more excited than nervous at the thought of using it with Thorin, and knew it was time to say something. 

Thorin returned to their rooms that evening looking tired but content. Ruling suited her down to her bones; she took pride in caring for her people, and it was a great relief having all that she needed to ensure none in her kingdom went with basic needs unmet. She shook off her fur cloak before hanging it carefully on the peg by the door where it belonged, and in deference to her Hobbit’s wishes, shucked off her large boots in the same spot.

Bilbo had cooked something that smelled quite appetizing this evening, Thorin decided with an appreciative whiff, and went in search of her tiny lady.

Dinner was laid out on the counter, where the two had set stools so that on evenings off and weekend mornings Thorin could slide up to a seat and chat contentedly with Bilbo as she cooked. It was one of Thorin's favorite ways to spend an evening, actually - besides sex - there was something so loving and comfortable about having food cooked for you, and about being invited to watch the process. Thorin had often met females of many races who did not allow guests to watch as they cooked out of some misguided fear of impropriety, and had always felt like an outsider in their homes.

It was light fare this evening; Bilbo usually served meals like this when she knew they'd be doing something physical later, like tupping or training. A clear broth-based soup (the bones of last night's dinner if Thorin had to guess - it had been delicious then too) had cooked with onion, fat chunks of beef, and root vegetables to create a delicious stew that was lighter than what they ate on the road. A round loaf of lean bread, baked today, sat on the cutting board, and fresh salad from the garden ledge Bilbo tended capped it all off. 

“Thorin! You're early!” Bilbo cried happily as she came in. “I just fetched some more butter. I'd forgotten I used all I had earlier.” Thorin hummed in delight, engulfing her hobbit in an affectionate hug that pushed Bilbo's face into Thorin's breasts teasingly, and then loosed her hold to tip her head into a long kiss.

It was perfect. Thorin loved the feel of Bilbo against her, and how Bilbo squirmed against her in a futile attempt to get free from her ‘undignified’ position. Thorin happily released her after a few moments and Bilbo’s feet landed back on the floor with a gentle “oof.”

“You have got to stop doing that, Thorin,” she chided, whapping Thorin gently on the arm, “even though it does crack my back nicely. Hm, that did help…” She prattled on as she slid into the stool next to Thorin and they settled into their usual routine of exchanging stories about their days. 

Thorin watched as Bilbo carefully scraped along the edge of her bowl after each bite, cleaning the dish of any drops that had spattered. She noted how Bilbo primly kept her napkin just so in her lap, and how she fussed with the butter knife to get it perfectly parallel to the butter dish. Finally, after they'd eaten, Thorin could keep her peace no longer, and set her napkin on the counter.

“Bilbo,” she coaxed, “tell me what's wrong.” Bilbo flushed enchantingly to the very tips of her ears, and Thorin watched, fascinated.

“N-nothing is wrong, I just-there was something--well, see, it started a while back. And then I went to the shop, and--so I've had this for a while, and I'd--” Thorin was growing alarmed by now, wondering what in the world she was talking about, and interrupted.

“What are you talking about, my treasure? Surely it isn't something so bad as all this?” Bilbo stopped stammering and frowned.

“Well, no, I don't think so,” she finally said slowly. “After all, you said you liked it before. You see, you mentioned a few months back that there was a- device, that could be worn, and, um - allow us to have...more penetrative, uh, intercourse. In bed.” Thorin nodded cautiously, not worried as much now as just confused. Bilbo flushed a bit but forged on. “Well, after that, I went to the market like you'd mentioned and, uh...picked one up.”

“And you'd like to use it,” Thorin extrapolated. Bilbo nodded.

“Yes. Please.” 

Thorin was silent a moment, expression pensive, and then she stood, pushed back her stool, and strode away.

Bilbo sat there, lost and feeling a bit crushed, until Thorin shouted “Well? Where is it?” from the bedroom. 

Bilbo grinned and hopped down to run after her to the bedroom.

 

In the sleeping area, Thorin was rooting through the chest in which they kept their playthings, tossing items behind her left and right. 

“Well? Come, Bilbo, where have you hidden it? I have thought of it often since I spoke of it.” Bilbo grinned sheepishly, and dragged the small fabric bundle out from under their dresser.

“Here,” she offered, and Thorin reached a hand over to take it excitedly from her.

“Oh, ghivashel, this is exquisite,” she breathed when she saw it. “I hadn't realized we had any artisans using this material again! It was very popular and difficult to procure even in Erebor’s heyday.”

“I found a shop in the bed play district that had the harnesses and such. They made it to fit me, but added buckles at my request so we could adjust it for you, if you are interested…”

“I am very interested,” Thorin purred in a voice that sounded like nothing so much as a very pleased cat. “After all, it is you who was in such want of...plowing.” Bilbo felt her breath catch and nearly dove under the dresser for the harness, tugging buckles open and wide to fit around Thorin's larger, beautifully strong thighs.

“It even looks enticing, without the cock attached,” she marveled, and Thorin laughed, holding out a hand for the toy. Bilbo thumbed a vein once before handing it over. Thorin had to step back out of it all to settle it into place but oh, it was worth it to see the way Bilbo's eyes darkened with interest, trained on “Thorin's” cock.

“I love you dearly,” Bilbo said with a great exhale, “but oh, I have missed that!” And she bowled Thorin over, back onto their bed, kissing her deeply while Thorin tried to keep up.

“I should say so!” Thorin panted when she broke free to breathe, and Bilbo looked abashed.

“I'm not unhappy with you, Thorin, I just do love a good cock,” she said primly, and Thorin burst out into gay laughter, howling in a light, girlish way that Bilbo rarely heard from her. It was a joy, seeing her so happy, and even if it was at her expense it was worth it.

“Mahal, have I been depriving you? Not feeding you enough?” Thorin finally asked, hiccuping with laughter. Bilbo mock-scowled, and then a glint entered her eye as she prowled up onto the bed.

“I have been hungry,” she said silkily, and licked her lips. “So very, very hungry.” And she opened her mouth to give the toy a long, sultry lick.

Thorin's breath left her lungs and she felt her thighs tense as though it had been a real extension of her body. The side of the toy that cupped her anvil had a soft ridge that rubbed against her gem. With each lick Bilbo bestowed on the false cock, it moved, and in turn pleasured Thorin.

Thorin had been the glad recipient of her hobbit’s oral fixation more than once, and it had been a revelation, but this was like watching a master at work. Thorin moaned appreciatively as Bilbo stroked up her soft stomach, clutching at her waist to pull herself up a little and then moving her hands up further to grasp breasts and pinch gently at nipples. 

Bilbo groaned, threw a leg over Thorin’s leg, and rocked against it. It was gorgeous, having a realistic cock in her mouth, Thorin's breasts in her hands and musky scent in her nose. This was amazing. Dwarves were geniuses. Masters of craft. 

Having satisfied one craving, Bilbo moved up and slipped her tongue into Thorin's mouth, slick wet movement against the dwarf’s tongue, and for long minutes they just moved against each other. The false cock sat against Thorin's mound just so, so that when she pressed it to Bilbo's thigh it pleasured her as well. Thorin sent a silent commendation to the artisan who created it.

“It has been a rather long time, darling,” Bilbo murmured around a mouthful of breast, “how would you prefer to do this?”

“Any way you wish, my treasure,” Thorin sighed, caressing her hair and keeping her close as a lovely frisson ran down her spine. She let go as soon as she could, murmuring apologies, but Bilbo simply repeated whatever trick she'd used and butted her head up into her hand in encouragement. 

“Such a talented mouth,” Thorin sighed, reaching down to thumb at Bilbo's clit and enjoying the way her hips pressed forward even more insistently, trapping her hand. “But here, my love. Let's see you taken care of.”

Thorin moved forward, pushing into the kiss further, and stroked between Bilbo's legs. Bilbo hummed agreement and encouragement, spreading her knees and running a hand up to thread into Thorin's hair. 

They kissed for a short while, moving against each other, and then Bilbo pulled Thorin over to climb atop her, throwing her legs over her waist. Sitting up, she petted Thorin's neck with a thumb and used the other hand to tease her breast, pulling gently at the hair there and switching to tweak a nipple. She ground down against Thorin and they both groaned, soprano and alto mixing in a pleasant duet.

“Just like this, if it's alright,” Bilbo decided breathlessly, and Thorin agreed as she ran rough hands up her sides. It was the work of a moment to shift up and then down again, angling onto the phallus and sinking onto it with a lush sigh.

“Oh, merciful sun, yes,” Bilbo muttered, sighing once more, and rocking forward and back a little experimentally. She gave a breathy moan again, and Thorin tightened her grip on her hips with a pleased hiss.

“Does this work for you, darling?” the hobbit asked, looking down with curls in her face. She tucked them back behind an ear distractedly, watching Thorin’s face carefully to see what she liked and didn’t like. It wouldn’t be the same as being with an actual male, after all, and she was glad with that; this was Thorin, her dear Thorin, whom she loved. Bilbo plucked absently at a nipple while she rocked, running a hand down her lover, following the trail of not-quite-fur all dwarrow seemed to possess. 

“This is wonderful,” Thorin answered with a grunt as she let her head fall back, beautiful black hair tossed against the pillow. “Very. Very wonderful. Bless the crafters.”

Bilbo laughed, stretching up to press kisses to the bristled underside of her chin, and continued experimenting with angles. She kissed and nibbled and licked and nipped what she could find as she rode the device strapped onto Thorin as Thorin reached to touch, grab, knead and soothe every inch of flesh she could reach. 

Oh, she was close, Bilbo thought dizzily, and of course that's when her thigh cramped. 

“OUCH,” she complained, trying to stretch her leg and relax it in turns as Thorin panted up at her in wide-eyed confusion.

“My treasure, what--?”

“Cramp,” Bilbo groaned, finally just pushing up and off Thorin with a pained noise. Once she rolled off onto the bed she sighed in relief as the cramping stopped. “Oh, thank goodness.”

“Better?” Thorin drawled, crawling over her and licking one pointed ear delicately. Bilbo whined, bringing her arms up around Thorin's neck, and her love laughed.

A little rearrangement had the toy nudging up against her and a little guidance had Thorin sliding it into her. A few hitches of her hips later she'd found a smooth, rolling pace, pushing it in and out carefully as Bilbo moved beneath her, touching herself. 

“Oh, my dear, just a bit more,” Bilbo said, voice strained, and she tried to oblige, feeling her own orgasm closing in. It was too much though, seeing Bilbo in her pleasure, soft breasts red and shining with sweat, curls sticking to her face, face tense with need. Thorin fell over the edge with trembling muscles and a strangled noise, trying to keep pistoning her hips forward for Bilbo's pleasure even as the world went white and vanished for long moments.

She didn't have to do so for long. Bilbo’s plush limbs curled up tight to Thorin during her last strokes as she came, desperately pushing her forehead to Thorin's chest since she couldn't quite reach enough to kiss her. 

“Oh, Thorin, yes,” she grunted, gasping in a breath when she remembered she ought to breathe. Thorin stopped moving with a faint whine, over sensitive, and pulled the toy and harness off before draping herself atop Bilbo's soft tummy with a satisfied sigh. Bilbo stroked her hair gently and scratched her scalp as they relaxed.

“That was excellent,” Bilbo declared after they'd caught their breath a bit. Thorin hummed in sleepy agreement; postcoital she wasn't generally overtired but cuddles and scalp massages would put her out every time.

“As you say,” she mustered, “Though I think I missed touching you more directly. Toy took up too much room.” 

“Mmhm,” Bilbo agreed. “Still. Good investment. I'll have to go exploring and see what else the market has I wasn't aware of.” One sleepy blue eye opened to peer up at her, accompanied by a cheeky grin, and Bilbo felt the answering smile on her face.

“We'll go tomorrow,” Thorin decreed, and they settled into their blankets and furs to nod off.

**Author's Note:**

> Liked this or my other fics? [](https://ko-fi.com/A2121AK)


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